She could not be alone

“On my father’s deathbed, he told me my mother was forgetful. I observed her and realized she could not be alone.”

That’s a tough and startling confirmation in what is already a stressful situation. However, it’s not uncommon for spouses to “cover” for another’s forgetfulness or unusual behavior to avoid worrying adult children. Is it love or embarrassment or both that prompts this mask?

"I didn't know much"

“I didn’t know much except that it was a long-term disease.”

Alzheimer’s is a complicated and confusing disease. We hear in the media about promising and not-so-promising research discoveries, and that confuses us more. That’s why families must take the time to educate themselves. Start with the Alzheimer’s Association www.alz.org

Everybody has days

“Taking so long to complete a sentence. Slow thought process.”

Everybody has days when thoughts are jumbled due to fatigue, tackling multiple tasks, stress and other ordinary factors. There are countless moments when we all forget the right word to express what we want to say. There are times when grammar rules are tossed aside for the sake of simplicity. However, frequent episodes of difficulty in conversation can leave listeners wondering what’s happening.

What becomes unimportant

“Both my mother and sister experienced loss of memory, how to dress as to what color went with another. They giggled when caught doing the wrong thing. They didn’t remember important dates or meetings.”

This description shows how the important and simple things can be “lost” to Alzheimer’s. It makes no sense to the rest of us when somebody forgets how to pick out clothes to wear when they’ve been doing it most of their lives. That’s just one of many things that will become very unimportant in the “priorities of life” list.

Not knowing

“He couldn’t remember where we kept things and couldn’t ‘catch on’ to new information.”

You’ve heard it a million times how married couples know each other better than they know themselves. Each should just simply “know” what to do or say or where to go or find things. Imagine the day a spouse doesn’t remember.

When it isn't automatic

“She was unable to fill out a check or write the date after 2000. I just did not understand that.”

Much of what we do in life is automatic. We go through the motions of every day often without thinking. We perform personal hygiene or household duties without stopping to analyze every step. Imagine how confusing and frustrating that is when it doesn't seem so simple anymore.

Avoid avoidance

“Some forgetfulness, repeating conversations. She would have episodes of like going into a ‘stupor.’ ”

That’s one woman’s vivid description of the transformation she witnessed in her mother as she succumbed to dementia. We do not want to believe that someone we love could have such drastic personality changes or seem to have “lost it.” Those transformations require families to avoid avoidance and seek answers.