“He couldn’t remember where we kept things and couldn’t ‘catch on’ to new information.”
You’ve heard it a million times how married couples know each other better than they know themselves. Each should just simply “know” what to do or say or where to go or find things. Imagine the day a spouse doesn’t remember.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
When it isn't automatic
“She was unable to fill out a check or write the date after 2000. I just did not understand that.”
Much of what we do in life is automatic. We go through the motions of every day often without thinking. We perform personal hygiene or household duties without stopping to analyze every step. Imagine how confusing and frustrating that is when it doesn't seem so simple anymore.
Much of what we do in life is automatic. We go through the motions of every day often without thinking. We perform personal hygiene or household duties without stopping to analyze every step. Imagine how confusing and frustrating that is when it doesn't seem so simple anymore.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Avoid avoidance
“Some forgetfulness, repeating conversations. She would have episodes of like going into a ‘stupor.’ ”
That’s one woman’s vivid description of the transformation she witnessed in her mother as she succumbed to dementia. We do not want to believe that someone we love could have such drastic personality changes or seem to have “lost it.” Those transformations require families to avoid avoidance and seek answers.
That’s one woman’s vivid description of the transformation she witnessed in her mother as she succumbed to dementia. We do not want to believe that someone we love could have such drastic personality changes or seem to have “lost it.” Those transformations require families to avoid avoidance and seek answers.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
If you could read my mind
“My father ‘knew’ before his diagnosis that he had trouble remembering.”
Is this one of those times in life when you wish you could read someone’s mind? How enlightened or frightened would we be if we could witness the unspoken fears, questions, anger or prayers of someone who is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, dementia or memory loss? Try to imagine how you would react.
Is this one of those times in life when you wish you could read someone’s mind? How enlightened or frightened would we be if we could witness the unspoken fears, questions, anger or prayers of someone who is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, dementia or memory loss? Try to imagine how you would react.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Seeing things
“Confusion and hallucinations, seeing people and things that weren’t there.”
That’s what one young lady remembers about her grandmother’s unusual behavior before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. That’s scary. That’s really scary when we see someone we love and admire so much confused by everything around her. How would you react if it were you?
That’s what one young lady remembers about her grandmother’s unusual behavior before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. That’s scary. That’s really scary when we see someone we love and admire so much confused by everything around her. How would you react if it were you?
Monday, May 12, 2008
Not just "old people"
“My vision of Alzheimer’s was something exclusive to old people.” That’s a powerful statement from a young man about his father who was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia at age 51.
Our definition of old changes every day as we grow older. It seems to stretch further than ever before. The retirement age continues to creep upward as we work longer out of enjoyment or economic necessity. As we approach landmark birthdays, we don’t see ourselves as “old” as our parents or grandparents were at that age.
And we certainly don’t expect 50 year olds to be diagnosed with dementia or memory loss. However, it is happening. It is a reality, and that’s why we need to be more attentive than ever, to look for clues to unexplained behavior, to safeguard our loved ones’ health.
Our definition of old changes every day as we grow older. It seems to stretch further than ever before. The retirement age continues to creep upward as we work longer out of enjoyment or economic necessity. As we approach landmark birthdays, we don’t see ourselves as “old” as our parents or grandparents were at that age.
And we certainly don’t expect 50 year olds to be diagnosed with dementia or memory loss. However, it is happening. It is a reality, and that’s why we need to be more attentive than ever, to look for clues to unexplained behavior, to safeguard our loved ones’ health.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Was it a stroke?
“I thought at first he had a small stroke,” says one wife, “then thought he was worked up due to worry about treatments he was to have for prostate cancer.”
Not all cases of memory loss are permanent or forerunners of Alzheimer’s. Episodes of memory loss might be attributed to outside factors … concern about loved ones, anxiety over work or responsibilities, poor diet or worry about personal health issues, such as facing cancer.
Families need to learn to pay attention to what’s “normal” and what’s not because they know this individual better than anyone.
Not all cases of memory loss are permanent or forerunners of Alzheimer’s. Episodes of memory loss might be attributed to outside factors … concern about loved ones, anxiety over work or responsibilities, poor diet or worry about personal health issues, such as facing cancer.
Families need to learn to pay attention to what’s “normal” and what’s not because they know this individual better than anyone.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
You start thinking
A husband wrote: “I was confused until my wife got fired from her job. After that you start thinking.”
We all have lapses of memory at times or days when our behavior seems a little out of character, often when we’re tired, stressed or feel like our brains are overloaded.
When it comes to conditions such as Alzheimer’s, dementia or memory, the change can be gradual. An observer may not make sense of a transformation until a person is diagnosed, and then a lot of past behavior can be explained. Sometimes, there’s a sudden wake-up call … an accident, getting lost while driving or losing a job … before it’s clear that something is wrong, terribly wrong.
We all have lapses of memory at times or days when our behavior seems a little out of character, often when we’re tired, stressed or feel like our brains are overloaded.
When it comes to conditions such as Alzheimer’s, dementia or memory, the change can be gradual. An observer may not make sense of a transformation until a person is diagnosed, and then a lot of past behavior can be explained. Sometimes, there’s a sudden wake-up call … an accident, getting lost while driving or losing a job … before it’s clear that something is wrong, terribly wrong.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Start the conversation
“Mentioning Alzheimer’s is a conversation stopper.”
That's a succinct description of Alzheimer's disease, straight from a caregiver who lives it every day.
The topic of Alzheimer's is not a cheery one. As it intrudes into more and more lives, it's becoming one of the scariest diseases out there. I talked to one woman who's single, has no children, and worries about who would care for her if she should develop it later in life.
There are no easy answers, and that's why we must start the conversation now. That's the only way we can cope with and survive the pain of dementia and memory loss.
That's a succinct description of Alzheimer's disease, straight from a caregiver who lives it every day.
The topic of Alzheimer's is not a cheery one. As it intrudes into more and more lives, it's becoming one of the scariest diseases out there. I talked to one woman who's single, has no children, and worries about who would care for her if she should develop it later in life.
There are no easy answers, and that's why we must start the conversation now. That's the only way we can cope with and survive the pain of dementia and memory loss.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Don't do this
Do you know one of the caregivers' top pet peeves concerning their loved one with Alzheimer's, dementia or memory loss?
Let's set the scene: You're out shopping or whatever and you run into your friend Mary, whose husband John is in the early-mid stages of Alzheimer's and is with Mary. You say, "Hi, Mary, how are you doing? How's John doing?"
Did you figure out the pet peeve? So many caregivers are frustrated and angry when people talk about their loved ones as if they're not right there. That's painful because it sends an immediate message that loudly negates the original, simple, friendly question, "How's John doing?" If you want to know how John is doing, ask him yourself!
John may not say much, which is OK, but he shouldn't be ignored or forgotten. I've watched the faces of loved ones fade into sadness or emptiness when they're ignored and/or spoken about as if they were invisible. I've witnessed their smiles and glimmer of recognition emerge when they're treated with the same everyday dignity we give someone else who doesn't have dementia or memory loss.
Let's set the scene: You're out shopping or whatever and you run into your friend Mary, whose husband John is in the early-mid stages of Alzheimer's and is with Mary. You say, "Hi, Mary, how are you doing? How's John doing?"
Did you figure out the pet peeve? So many caregivers are frustrated and angry when people talk about their loved ones as if they're not right there. That's painful because it sends an immediate message that loudly negates the original, simple, friendly question, "How's John doing?" If you want to know how John is doing, ask him yourself!
John may not say much, which is OK, but he shouldn't be ignored or forgotten. I've watched the faces of loved ones fade into sadness or emptiness when they're ignored and/or spoken about as if they were invisible. I've witnessed their smiles and glimmer of recognition emerge when they're treated with the same everyday dignity we give someone else who doesn't have dementia or memory loss.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Get over YOUR fears
Are you afraid to talk to someone who has Alzheimer's, dementia or memory loss? Don't know what to say? If so, get past these fears right now.
• Just be yourself and talk about what comes naturally.
• Try to refrain from a lot of questions, especially, "Do you remember …"
• Make eye contact. That reassures them that they have your full attention. Make yourself available to them on their terms.
• Don't expect them to initiate a conversation because they may be uncomfortable in that role.
• Just be yourself and talk about what comes naturally.
• Try to refrain from a lot of questions, especially, "Do you remember …"
• Make eye contact. That reassures them that they have your full attention. Make yourself available to them on their terms.
• Don't expect them to initiate a conversation because they may be uncomfortable in that role.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The value of conversation - part 3
I've learned a lot about human interaction while working on this book about Alzheimer's. Here's one of my favorite stories from the book, simply called, “He’s not deaf.”
When she takes her husband with Alzheimer's out, the wife often uses the card the Alzheimer’s Association gave her, which states that this person has trouble with memory loss and how their patience is appreciated.
“I’ve done some very interesting studies on this. Do you know what happens? The minute you hand it to someone, they assume that person is deaf. They suddenly start talking much louder and say, ‘Sir, do you know what you want to eat?’ Finally I say, ‘He’s not deaf.’ But isn’t that funny?
“One day, I handed the waiter the card, and that waiter immediately got down on his knee so that he was face-to-face with him. I asked, ‘How did you know to do that?’ He said, ‘My grandmother …’ So, now I’m thinking there is a whole new school of people out there that need to be informed about memory loss and people coming into their place of business. They will start shouting at you, and they even do it in a doctor’s office.”
When she takes her husband with Alzheimer's out, the wife often uses the card the Alzheimer’s Association gave her, which states that this person has trouble with memory loss and how their patience is appreciated.
“I’ve done some very interesting studies on this. Do you know what happens? The minute you hand it to someone, they assume that person is deaf. They suddenly start talking much louder and say, ‘Sir, do you know what you want to eat?’ Finally I say, ‘He’s not deaf.’ But isn’t that funny?
“One day, I handed the waiter the card, and that waiter immediately got down on his knee so that he was face-to-face with him. I asked, ‘How did you know to do that?’ He said, ‘My grandmother …’ So, now I’m thinking there is a whole new school of people out there that need to be informed about memory loss and people coming into their place of business. They will start shouting at you, and they even do it in a doctor’s office.”
Monday, May 5, 2008
The value of conversation - part 2
Some of the best conversations and most enlightening moments of my life have been in the last year when talking with individuals who have Alzheimer's disease, dementia or memory loss.
I want to tell you about Delores and the wonderful talk we had the other night. At a gathering of dementia and memory loss clients and their immediate caregivers, I asked her how she was doing. Her eyes immediately brightened when she heard my question. She told me about how her house had been fixed up to make it easier to get around, and she gestured as she described the wider door openings and how much nicer the bathroom was now. I listened to what she was saying so that I knew how best to respond or a good follow-up question to keep the conversation going.
And her smile widened when she pulled out photos of her dogs and granddogs just like they were one of the grandkids. She pointed out their features and how much fun they were. I learned a lot about a dog breed I hadn't known much about before … mostly because I'm a cat person, though I love many types of dogs, too. I really enjoyed our conversation.
Life lesson: Don't ignore these individuals. They need to talk, listen, learn and teach like the rest of us.
I want to tell you about Delores and the wonderful talk we had the other night. At a gathering of dementia and memory loss clients and their immediate caregivers, I asked her how she was doing. Her eyes immediately brightened when she heard my question. She told me about how her house had been fixed up to make it easier to get around, and she gestured as she described the wider door openings and how much nicer the bathroom was now. I listened to what she was saying so that I knew how best to respond or a good follow-up question to keep the conversation going.
And her smile widened when she pulled out photos of her dogs and granddogs just like they were one of the grandkids. She pointed out their features and how much fun they were. I learned a lot about a dog breed I hadn't known much about before … mostly because I'm a cat person, though I love many types of dogs, too. I really enjoyed our conversation.
Life lesson: Don't ignore these individuals. They need to talk, listen, learn and teach like the rest of us.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The value of conversation - part 1
For many years, I was so shy that it was extremely painful for me to initiate a conversation. Speak in front of a group? Never!
At least until 1999 when I was asked to give a presentation about my second local history book. I momentarily conquered the fear by giving that talk … in the dark with a slide show. I survived and now I'm sure I talk too much. I guess I have a lot of catching up to do.
After working on this book about coping with the everyday challenges of Alzheimer's, dementia and memory loss, I began to appreciate more the value of conversation and how vital it is to connecting us as human beings.
A lot of people forget that individuals with these memory diseases are still ordinary folks in nearly every way. They still have physical, emotional, spiritual and social needs, though those may change during the course of the disease. They can still laugh and cry, and want to love and be loved.
At least until 1999 when I was asked to give a presentation about my second local history book. I momentarily conquered the fear by giving that talk … in the dark with a slide show. I survived and now I'm sure I talk too much. I guess I have a lot of catching up to do.
After working on this book about coping with the everyday challenges of Alzheimer's, dementia and memory loss, I began to appreciate more the value of conversation and how vital it is to connecting us as human beings.
A lot of people forget that individuals with these memory diseases are still ordinary folks in nearly every way. They still have physical, emotional, spiritual and social needs, though those may change during the course of the disease. They can still laugh and cry, and want to love and be loved.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
It's your choice
Why did I write this book on Alzheimer's? Because families and caregivers are always looking for unconditional comfort and support. They need frequent reminders that they're not alone and have not been abandoned.
Coping with a loved one's Alzheimer's can be one of life's toughest, yet most rewarding challenges. It's all up to you how you face this uninvited intruder.
You can close your eyes and deny it, like a lot of people try to do.
You can walk away and let somebody else take care of "it."
You can take a deep breath and decide to learn everything you can and educate the rest of the family and world.
You can fall in love with this individual all over again … every day.
It's your choice. If you're willing to listen and learn, visit this site often. If not, just keep on surfing!
Coping with a loved one's Alzheimer's can be one of life's toughest, yet most rewarding challenges. It's all up to you how you face this uninvited intruder.
You can close your eyes and deny it, like a lot of people try to do.
You can walk away and let somebody else take care of "it."
You can take a deep breath and decide to learn everything you can and educate the rest of the family and world.
You can fall in love with this individual all over again … every day.
It's your choice. If you're willing to listen and learn, visit this site often. If not, just keep on surfing!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Alzheimer's 101
I just had a baby this week … 6 inches wide by 9 inches tall and an inch thick. A book is like a baby to me because it seems like they take a minimum of 9 months gestation before they're turned loose into the world.
My newest offspring's name is Help Me Cope & Survive! Alzheimer's, Dementia and Memory Loss: Straight talk for families and caregivers. It takes a lot of courage and energy to create these babies, but it takes much, much more to be a caregiver.
Check back here often as I share the stories of real families facing these brutal diseases. Check out the book's official website www.alzhelpbook.com. Help by taking this journey with me.
My newest offspring's name is Help Me Cope & Survive! Alzheimer's, Dementia and Memory Loss: Straight talk for families and caregivers. It takes a lot of courage and energy to create these babies, but it takes much, much more to be a caregiver.
Check back here often as I share the stories of real families facing these brutal diseases. Check out the book's official website www.alzhelpbook.com. Help by taking this journey with me.
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